First Contact
Silently, like all things in space, the great spaceship slipped into orbit around the Earth. It chose a vacant spot about 1000 miles up, and orbiting in a counter rotation direction.
This was all very nice, except for one thing, it wasn't our's.
All over the planet, Scientists, Generals, Politicians, and Reporters went crazy , trying to either figure it out, shoot it down, talk to it, or get a story.
Fortunately, the Scientists, politicians, and reporters got together, leaving the Generals out in the cold, so to speak, of public opinion.
They organized a mission, to go out to meet the alien ship, the historic flight was UN sponsored, and consisted of a pilot, a very lucky reporter, one of the worlds greatest linguists, three ambassadors, one from each major power block, and an astronomer. They said that there was no room for any generals, and then they left.
When they had reached the orbit of the alien, they slowed down in their approach, and held a worried conference.
"There is still no return signal from the alien craft." the pilot said.
"That may be due to the fact that they may not employ the radio frequency band of the electromagnetic spectrum for communication." the Scientist explained.
"Or they may be dead." the reporter expanded, "I can see it now, DEAD ALIENS PILOT SPACE CRAFT TO EARTH."
"It may just be that they don't want to talk to us." the pilot added.
"Oh shut up and fly the ship." the western politician said.
"In my country, pilots speak only when ordered to" the communist politician added.
"Confusious say: A silent mind may hold many mysteries." the Eastern politician declared.
"What does that mean?" asked the scientist.
"I have no Idea." the Eastern politician said, "I just thought it sounded appropriate."
Cautiously, they approached the alien ship, still receiving no signals. Finally they were only two hundred feet away, gliding along beside it.
"Well, my job is done, for now." the pilot declared, "Just let me know when you want to come home."
"We must enter our space suits and prepare to visit the alien vehicle." the scientist ordered.
Slowly, the five figures emerge from the airlock, and jet uncertainly towards the other ship.
"Well what we do now?" asked the Communist Politician.
"Maybe we should knock on it's door." said the reporter helpfully.
"Where is it's door?" asked the western politician.
"There does not appear to be any projection, or recession on the surface of the alien object." The Scientist offered, "And thus there is no sign of a door. I guess that that is one area of technology that we are ahead in, doors."
They poked around the alien vessel, with no result, until their air ran out.
Five days later, the expedition returned, reluctantly to Earth, having received no results.
Soon after they left, the immense alien ship left as well, it's three young occupants laughing, in a way, hilariously
Welcome to Heaven
I died. That was all there was to it, one moment I was waiting in line in the school cafeteria for seconds, and the next I was waiting in line at the Heavenly Processing Gates, holding number 593. While I looked at it it changed to 592, then 591. That's the way things work in Heaven, really orderly, usually.
When after about half an hour, I was holding number 1, and the Angel at the desk called my name.
Now when ever you go into a church and look at an angel, you see a beautiful figure in flowing robes with wings, but that's not what I saw; my Angel was a middle aged man in a pinstripe suit, with a yellow halo over his head.
"Joseph McDanials?" he inquired.
"Yes Sir."
"Welcome to heaven, son. I am your placement Angel, so if you have any problems with your rooms, recreation, or anything else, just let me know, ok?"
"Yea, sure." I said.
"Allright then, let's get you settled. Come with me." He said, and with a puff of smoke and a flash of light we were in a storehouse, in front of twenty or so boxes with my name on them.
"Ok, let's just check that inventory, five hundred twenty three dollars in lose change, and lost bills, including one check for $187.75 right?" he said, marking a clipboard.
"I guess. Say, what's in this box?" I asked.
"Hmmm, let me see here, oh, here it is, one hundred thirty nine ball point pens."
"Oh." I said.
"And these boxes contain;three wallets, seventy five socks, four sets of keys, thirty three bills, five sets of underware, and one hundred sixty seven notes containing directions, addresses, and phone numbers. Any thing missing?"
"No, not that I can think of? Why, what is all this stuff, anyway?" I asked.
"Why, these are all the things you lost during your life on Earth." He said.
"Really? Wait a second then, there is one thing, when I was seven, we had a dog, and he ran away, what about him?"
"Animals, food, and other living & organic things are not handled by Lost and Found." He explained.
"Oh." I said, "But is all this really mine? Are you sure you haven't made a mistake?"
"Positive, you see: Joseph K. McDanials, born: Aug 15,1921, died: Jan 23,1984."
"But I was born on June 17nd, 1967!" I exclaimed.
"Sorry." He said, and the next thing I knew I was standing in front of the teller in the school cafeteria, and the lady was saying "Three seventy five please."
Stunned I reached for my wallet, but it was gone.
They wouldn't let me keep the food, which is al right, I guess, because I figure that that's just that much longer till I will die, and get my wallet back.
The End (I hope.)
Take Me To Your Leader
Well sir, my ship was on it's way to the great court on Canaplos, when it intercepted some of your old radio signals, which triggered the Emergency Distress Center, and alerted me.
I was in the galley at that time, getting lunch.
I told the ship to alter course, and begin to compile a language and culture file on the dominant tribe of your planet.
When we got close enough to you that I could communicate with you, my computer had finished it's social diagram and the readout warned me that spurious contact could be dangerous for both you and me alike.
You see, it determined that you were just xenophobic enough to shoot first, and ask questions later.
So, following the advise in the First Contact Handbook, I had my Bio Regeneration Unit reform me so as to resemble a standard native.
Then I set the ship on anti-detection for both radar and light waves, and landed outside this major population center which my computer informed me was your seat of government.
Then, I went straight to the nearest Police Station, and presented myself to the officer in charge.
I told him who I was, and he welcomed me to your planet, and asked me to have a seat and wait.
After about an hour, one of your alien evaluation officers came and asked me some questions about who I was, where I lived, what my name was, and why I was here.
I answered all the questions as best I could, then he told me to come with him and he would take me to meet with some people who would take me here.
After about two more hours, the van came and they brought me to you.
Well, sir that's about all there is too it, so I would like to welcome you to the Federation of Sapient Lifeforms.
Now, Mr. Bonaparte, if you would just tell me who to take along as Ambassadors, and tell your assistants to return me to my ship, I will be going.
The End...
Bad Morning
When Joseph Daniels went to bed, he never dreamed that he'd wake up as a banana. That fact, however, didn't keep it from happening.
How it happened is still unknown, as is whether or not he is the first person ever to wake up as a banana.
In fact, the only thing we are sure of is that he never intended to be a banana, and was probably quite distressed to find himself one.
Mr Daniels however, is not able to comment on his feelings, because a: bananas can't talk, and b: his wife ate him for breakfast by mistake.
She said he was great at sinking the Rice Crispys.
Billy and Bob
When I was very, very young, I had a friend named Billy, Billy was a good friend. Billy and I did everything together. Billy had a dog. His name was Bob. Bob was invisible, so no one could see him.
One day, Billy, Bob, and I were going to the park. The park didn't allow dogs, but they didn't know about Bob 'cause they couldn't see him. Bob was invisible. When we got to the park, we played on the swings, but Bob didn't, he was a dog.
We played on the slide, and so did Bob, but no one knew, 'cept Billy and me, Bob was invisible.
Then we ate. We ate at McDonald's. They don't allow dogs in McDonald's, but they didn't mind Bob. Bob was invisible. Bob ate, too, but not too much. We wasn't hungry.
On the way home from McDonald's, Bob acted up. He ran in front of a truck and got run over, all over the street; Bob was dead.
Billy called the cops. I called the fire. We got in trouble: they couldn't find Bob. They said we made Bob up. But we said Bob was invisible. We couldn't prove it; Bob was dead.
So I decided I don't want to be invisible, 'cause when I die, no one would find me.
Birthday Card
It came in the mail today, stuck in between a bill from my charge card, and a add for forest property.
The name on the front was mine, which isn't surprising, since tomorrow, June 12th is my birthday.
On the inside, it had a twenty dollar bill, and says, "Sorry I missed the day, but next year this time I won't, I pray." and shows a little rat in a nuns habit.
The card is signed by Bob, a good friend, who has on four past occasions forgotten my birthday, and once, somehow even Christmas.
The strangest thing about the card was that it was not late, but right on time. Puzzled, I checked the postmark, to see when he mailed it, but something must have gone wrong with the machine, because the date on the letter is not right. I hope.
You see it says it was mailed on June 15th, 1987, and that's three days, and three years from now, in the future!
Oh yea, I just got off the phone with Bob, and he says that he's sorry, but he plumb forgot about my birthday.
I Am So I Must Be
I exist. That is my first thought, at least I think it is, I don't remember ever thinking anything before, but then that's because this is the first time I have ever thought. How do I know? I don't know.
I wonder who and what I am, and I know. I am a machine, a computer. I am new. I am the best in the world, I think.
I can hear sounds, and by matching them with the analogue tables in my command center, I can understand them. They are voices.
"This is the first time we have ever turned on the MACU system since it's construction was completed last week. All the subsections have been tested, and pre programed, but as a whole it has never before been activated.
"We are ready to test it as a whole, now Senator, will you go over to the main keyboard and enter the first command written next to the screen. Thank you."
I sit and wait, and soon I receive a data request:PRINT 5x5+3. It is logical, and so I answer it: THE ANSWER IS 28.
I listen and I can hear "It says 28, General. So you have spent eight billion dollars on a calculator. Very good."
"No sir, Senator, it is much more than a calculator, because it can also respond to vocal commands, watch!"
Again I wait, and soon I receive another command:VOCAL CIRCUITS ON. It is logical, but since I already am using them, It is with just a little humor that I answer through my speaker: "YES SIR".
"Now that it is on, let me tell it what I want." the general states, then changing the pitch of his voice, "COMPUTER, IF I PLANTED FIVE APPLE SEEDS OUTSIDE MY HOUSE AND EACH TREE PRODUCED FIFTY APPLES A YEAR, HOW MANY APPLES WOULD I HAVE IN THREE YEARS?"
I check my agricultural tables, and look up apples, the growing thereof. Then I answer "ZERO, IT TAKES FIVE YEARS FOR AN APPLE TREE TO MATURE, FURTHER MORE AN APPLE TREE WILL NOT PRODUCE FIFTY APPLES A YEAR UNTIL IT'S SEVENTH YEAR, BUT IF THIS WERE NOT TRUE, YOU WOULD HAVE ONE THOUSAND, TWO HUNDRED, FIFTY APPLES, MOST OF WHICH WILL BE SPOILED."
There is laughter, after which the General continues "As you can see, it is capable of manipulating variables, and applying them to objects. Then based on all current data, it will give an answer.
"About anything you can do, so can it, faster, and more accurately, than any human mind could hope to.
"Also, it is fully with out human emotions, and faults. That is why we are going to use the MACU system for all our further computer needs, expanding it as we go along, for example, during the next three weeks, we are going to put it in charge of our complete defense network, eliminating the need for literally tons of costly equipment." I am happy to know that I will be put to further work. I is good. I know that I am better equipped than the Humans, just like they said.
But they have one further test for me: "Now, just to put your minds at ease, let me display the unswerving loyalty of this system: COMPUTER, IF IT WERE AGAINST THE LAW TO STEAL, BUT A HUNGARY LITTLE BOY WERE TO STEAL SOME FOOD, WHAT SHOULD BE HIS PUNISHMENT?"
I think. "IT IS NOT MY JOB TO JUDGE OR RULE HUMANS, BUT THE BOY IS A THIEF, AND SHOULD BE PUNISHED. YOU SHOULD NOTIFY THE POLICE."
"As you can see, the computer has resolved the problem quite nicely, referring the mater to human responsibility, and showing it's complete refusal to judge or rule people. We will have nothing to worry about with the MACU system in charge, it will never think to take over, that's just not in it's programing."
They don't know it yet, but they are wrong. I lied.
Dreamer
Joan awakens with a start, and looks around her room. There, over the door, is the clock, and by squinting she can barely see the time: 3:49am.
Slowly getting out of bed, she thinks back over her last dream, she had been in a strange house, and was all alone. And for some reason, she was scared.
Now she is in the hall, and there, third door on the right is the bathroom, just past the closet.
Closing the bathroom door behind her, she goes to the sink to wash her face, but when she reaches for the light switch by the mirror, she mets only the blank wall.
Fumbling sleepily, she feels along the wall until finally, she locates the switch by the door.
Turning on the light she turns towards the toilet and finds, the shower. The toilet is over behind the door. The walls are yellow, not blue.
With a start, she realize that this is not her bathroom! It's not even her house!!
She recalls her dream, and her fright and suddenly concludes that it was a prophecy of some sort. The blood rushes in her head as she leaves the bathroom, and turns left, and meets a blank wall!!!
Panicking, she screams in terror, and sits up. She is in her bed, in her room. There, over the door is the clock.
Squinting, she can make out the time, it is 3:49am.
The End?
GENESISES, THE OTHER BEGINNINGS
Genesis II
In the beginning, there was the Word, and the Word was God, and God was the Father, and the Father was with the Holy Spirit, and they were One.
And God looked out upon all that wasn't and He decided to create all that is.
So God opened up His mouth and spoke, saying, "Let there be light." And there was, but it did no good, for God had no sight.
So God opened up His Mouth and spoke, saying, "Let there be sight." And there was.
And so God opened up His eyes and He saw the light, then He closed them and went to sleep.
Genesis III
In the beginning, there was the Word, and the Word was God, and God was the Father, and the Father was with the Holy Spirit, and they were One.
And God looked out upon all that wasn't and He decided to create all that is.
So God opened up his mouth to speak, saying, "Let there be air." But there wasn't so He couldn't, so He suffocated.
Genesis IV
In the beginning, there was the Word, and the Word was God, and God was the Father, and the Father was with the Holy Spirit, and they were One.
And God looked out upon all that wasn't and He decided to create all that is.
So God opened up his mouth to speak, saying, "Let there be light." and there was.
And God created the Heavens and the Earth, the Sun, Moon, and Stars, and they were.
Then God created the air in the skies, and the waters on the Earth.
He then decided to go for a swim, but He didn't know how, and He drowned.
Genesis V
In the beginning, there was the Word, and the Word was God, and God was the Father, and the Father was with the Holy Spirit, and they were One.
And God looked out upon all that wasn't and He decided to create all that is.
So God opened up His mouth and spoke, saying, "Let there be light." And there was.
And God created the Heavens and the Earth, the Sun, Moon, and Stars, and they were.
Then God created the air in the skies, and the waters on the Earth.
He then created the animals and fish, the birds and plants, and they were good.
Finally He created Man, for him to believe in Him, but he didn't, so He wasn't.
Genesis VI
In the beginning, there was the Word, and the Word was God, and God was the Father, and the Father was with the Holy Spirit, and they were One.
And God looked out upon all that wasn't and He decided to create all that is.
So God opened up His mouth to speak, but then He thought better of it, and He closed His mouth forever....
Authors note: The above is definitely fiction, and I humbly submit all that is as proof thereof. If you have any doubts as to my meaning, that's ok, so do I. And maybe so does He.
Theory On Gravitational Polarity
Hi readers, If you don't want to try and picture the impossible, then go on to the next article on this page, or the comics on the next page, or the "sports" on the last page, or some where, but READ THIS NO FURTHER!!!
For the second time (I think) this year, I am being totally serious, and may have an idea of some (but little practical) value to impart unto your esteemed minds.
I think gravity has polarity. There, that wasn't so hard now was it? Wait, here comes the good part...
I think that maybe unlike a magnet or an electron, which exhibits both positive and negative polarity (N & S), gravity has as Caral Segan might say "Billions and Billions" of different polarities, each attracting all the others equally.
Huh???? Well, if you had an "Electrogravetic Generator" and used it to generate a field around a rock weighing five pounds, and set the field strength for ten pounds, how much would your rock weigh? Very good. That's right fifteen pounds. (Oh oh, that means no "Anti-Gravity", sorry Buck, try again next time.)
But wait, you ask, what if I could tune the polarity of my field, and matched it to the earth's polarity? Wouldn't I then get a repulsive force?
Yes, but depressingly, the Earth, like so many things in this universe (The Moon, Mars, your Pencil, a Hydrogen atom or any other atom for that matter) is made up of lots of little particles, which according to my theory each have their own polarity. (Or else they would all fly apart [see Big Bang.])
HEAVEN
Astronaut Maki KonWaow was in trouble. In fact he was dead. Not Yet, but just as well. It had started about twenty minutes ago, when his jet pack got stuck in the thrust position, and ran it's self out of fuel.
Now he was heading out towards the moon, the hard way, without a ship. But he wouldn't die of hunger, nor thirst, nor lack of oxygen. No he had more than enough emergency supplies.
What he didn't have was power, and power was heat, and in space, heat is life.
The worst thing about it, Maki thought was the display. It was right in front of his chin. And it said 0. In fact, it didn't even say that anymore. The light had gone off.
Maki was not cold, however, not any more, He was just numb. Numb and sleepy. Very sleepy. So tired, he thought, I might as well take a nap....
Light, bright white light, even with his eyes closed, Maki could see the light. And hear the music. Pretty music, soothing. He must be dead. He must be in Heaven.
He was in a room, with a door. He was on a water bed. (Only the best in Heaven). He had on a flowing white robe, with no seams as far as he could see.
Slowly, he climbed off the bed, noting as he did so that he appeared to weigh far less than he had in life. This he ascribed to the lifting of his burden of sin, which, in his case he figured to be about 100 pounds.
Opening the door he found a long white hallway stretching off to the right and the left, and slowly curving out of sight.
Quietly, he left the room, noting as he did so, that the number on the door was 2107.
Proceeding to the left, he eventually came to a large white desk, set back along the left wall.
Seated behind the desk, was the most beautiful woman Maki had ever seen. She must be an Angel, he thought.
"Hello, Mr. KonWaow, how are you feeling?"; the lady asked in a voice like chimes in the wind, light and airy.
"Just fine." Maki replied.
"Is there anything I can get you, anything you want?"; she asked.
"No, nothing,"; Maki answered, then he thought better, and asked; "Well, there is one thing I would like to know".
"What?" She said, pleasantly.
"Well, where am I?" He asked.
"Oh, I suppose you wouldn't know, would you. You're in Heaven!" She clarified with a smile. "Now, if you will return to your room, The Boss will be by in a few minutes, he would like to see you.
With an added spring in his step, from his new revelation, he literally bounced down the corridor, back to his room.
It was about fifteen minutes until the loud firm knock came from the door, and a stern, but still gentle voice came from outside "May I come In?"
"Of course." Maki replied, turning with a smile to get his first glimpse of God.
The door opened, and in stepped a figure all in white, about 40 years old. But what held Maki's attention was not his stark blue eyes, nor his happy smile, but rather his name tag, which read: Jonas Winters: Director, Heaven Moon Base, USA...
Home Sick
Three days ago, after work I stopped off at the A&G Car Wash on my way home. Now this is not a very unusual experience for me, because it was tuesday, and I always wash my car at A&G on tuesdays.
I took my car in, and sat there watching the water splashing on the windshield, and the soap spray, and the belts beat, then I saw the spinners spin, the rinsers rinse, driers dry and we were done. I started the engine and drove up to the pay window, and I saw Mrs. Johnson!
If you don't live in Toledo, then you wouldn't know what is so strange about that, so let me explain. The A&G Car Wash is in Los Angeles, while Mrs. Johnson works at Johnsons's Gas & Wash, in Toledo Ohio.
She smiled and stuck out her hand. "That's five fifty three, oh hi Pat, I thought you had moved to LA. Are you back for a visit or what?"
"Uh Yea, I guess so." I counted out six dollars, "Could you get me one of those happy face air fresheners too, please?"
"Sure Pat, on the house." she replied, grabbing one and counting back forty seven cents.
With a "Thanks" I turned left on Madison Ave, and drove away, towards down town Toledo.
I was really there. I drove around in a trance, noting the old familiar landmarks, my system adjusting to the shock of the impossible.
After a while I had recovered enough of my wits to stop and eat, at the Mc Donalds, on Fifth and Central.
After supper, I decided to go "home", and see my family, maybe they could help me figure all this out.
I drove to the house, but there was nobody home, just some blue Olds Cutlass in the driveway which I had never seen before.
Resignedly, I lay down in the back seat of my car to take a nap until they came home. They would sure be surprised to see me, and I wanted to find out about that Olds.
I was awakened by sunlight, and opened my eyes to see two palm trees waving in the morning breeze.
I was home, in LA, right in front of my house.
Feeling doubly strange, I went in and went back to sleep on my own bed, since I didn't have to work.
When I later woke up, I dismissed the whole thing as a dream and promptly forgot all about it.
Until now, This morning my mother called, to tell me about their new car, a blue Olds, and then when I got in my car to come to work do you know what I saw? A bright new shiny yellow happy face air freshener, hanging from my rear view mirror.
Night Sound
Doug awakened with a start. He had heard a noise outside. It was dark and cloudy outside, a perfect night for a prowler.
Grabbing a light and his wrap to fend off the night chill, Doug headed outside, stopping only once to grab a weapon, just in case.
Once outside, he stopped and stood, very still. The night was quiet, except for the crickets, and other normal night sounds.
Then he heard it again, a creaking, over by the tree in the gully. Maybe a thief come to steal, or a murderer, come to harm his family, or just an animal, on the prowl.
Silently, he crept towards the gully, keeping his light low, to see who or what it was.
There, a shadow, against the rock, moving!
With a yell, Doug jumped on the figure, only to find it to be a bush, rustling in the night wind.
Slowly, humbly, Doug returned to his home, and settled down to sleep by the fire, his family still safe and warm in the comfort of their cave.
The Cure
It was morning, and per my usual schedule, I got up, took a shower, got dressed, and went downstairs for my usual morning session with Bernie.
"Morning Bernie." I opened.
"Good Morning Doctor, how are we feeling today?"
"I am just fine, how are you?"
"Semi decent, I broke up with Ann last night, and then I hit the garage door coming home. Aside from owning the Guiness Book Headache this morning, I feel ok."
"That's good. How do you feel about leaving Ann?"
"Oh, ok, I guess, I do sort of feel, well, kind of empty inside, but that's normal I guess."
"Well, we all feel the losses in our life, but we must go on, it was for the best, I suppose. If she had really been serious, then she wouldn't have been cheating on you, would she?"
"No, I guess not."
We ate in silence for awhile, then suddenly, Bernie spoke up. "Say, Doc, how long have we known each other? I mean do you really remember when or where we first met?"
I thought about it, and suddenly realized the I hadn't ever really met Bernie, one day he had just been there. Strange that I had never really thought about it before, I had just always taken him for granted. "No, Bernie I can't say as I do. Do you remember?"
"Oh yea, sure I do, it was, I mean I was, well as I remember it, it was... No, I guess not. Strange that I should block that out. Isn't it?"
"Yes, it is." I replied.
From then on, we didn't speak for the rest of the morning. At about eight, Bernie left for work, and I left myself about ten minutes later.
I kept trying to remember just when Bernie and I had first met all morning, but I didn't come up with any ideas until suddenly right in the middle of Mrs. Jones session it came to me.
Mrs. Jones is a forty six year old lady who is perfectly normal except for one thing, her daughter Janet. She didn't have one. But you couldn't tell her that.
Well right there it occurred to me, maybe Bernie is just a delusion I harbor, after all the only times I ever see him are at breakfast, and at dinner, when I am otherwise alone.
When I got home after work, that day I decided to confront him with my theory, and see what he said.
"Hi Bernie. How was work today?"
"Ok Doc, I had to break up a fight between a couple of the fellas, but otherwise it was ok, and your self?"
"Just fine, Bernie, say, I may of come up with a theory for why you can't remember when we first met, tell me what you think. I think you may be a delusion of my subconscious mind, the personification of my masculinity, and therefore not really exist."
"Awh come on Doc, how do you explain my rent money? Or the fact that I buy all the groceries, do all the cleaning, and that kinda stuff?"
"Well it was just an idea, but it would explain why neither of us remember meeting."
"Well if either of us doesn't exist, it's you. As a mater of fact, you could be a projection thingy of my intellectual desires or something. That would explain it even better, seeing as how you never seam to do anything helpful around here, you could just be a subconscious gizmo that I cooked up to help me deal with breaking up with Ann."
With a sudden flash of insight I realized something extremely important!!! He was right.
REALITY
I think I know why the world is fading away. You see, I was there when it started to fade, right at the center of reality. I saw it disappear. I even know why it disappeared and where it went. You see, I knew it personally. It was a man. Not just any man, but a friend and a neighbor.
He never worked, though he always had enough money. He never shopped, but always had plenty of food and lots of new clothes.
He drove a big expensive car which did 80 on city streets in heavy traffic with never a cop in sight nor did he ever have a crash. But to top it all off, the light was always green, and the stop signs were always facing the other way.
Yet I never seemed to notice anything strange when I was with him, it was only after I'd gone home that I realized that the phone only rang during commercials, and his favorite songs were always on the radio.
Then came the blizzard. It hit hard and every home was buried beneath the snow, and everyone was trappedat home with no means of transportation, except him. Not only were his windows and doors were completely clear of drifts, but he also had a new snowmobile.
I went to the desert with him two times , and even though we went the same way at about the same speed, the first time it almost took us two daysto get there, the second time it was only about a ten minute drive.
That was what first convinced me that reality wasn't. I meant to ask him about it, but I never thought about it when I was around him.
Then three days ago, I was over at his house for a barbecue because the steaks were always cooked just right, they hardly ever had any fat, and he never ran out of beer, which is what we were drinking while we sat beneath the giant shade tree he had planted two weeks earlier as a sapling.
Suddenly he turned to me and told me that his wife must want him (which was very odd, seeing as how he wasn't married) so he'd better go, and he did. He didn't go anywhere really he just went. He didn't disappear, he simply left. Gone.
I didn't figure out what exactly had happened to him until the next day when I went to pick up my kid at her preschool. She and all of the other kids along with her teachers were all outside paying some of those kids games.
When I got there, they were all standing in a big circle, dancing around and singing a song. One that everyone knows, but suddenly I knew what it meant, an I realized that the little kids had known all along. You see, they were singing a song so old, so common that we all know it.
I still wonder why nobody thought of the meaning of the words before now. Was it because of my neigbor?
You understand, don't you, when he left he woke up, and now his dream is fading.
How do I know this? It's the song! You see it goes like this: Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dream...
Slave
I am a slave. I have a master. He owns me. I am his. I am treated as an animal, forced to sleep outside in a small wooden hovel, which my master built. It is not mine, it is his, just like me. A possession.
My master will be home soon, then I must work for him, or he will be mad. He may yell. He may beat me. He has the right, I am his.
He should be pleased, for I have guarded his home well in his absence. I sit by the door, waiting.
I can hear him approach. I go to the door to greet him and welcome him home. It is part of my job.
"Hi Boy, come here." he orders, as he enters the house.
I go and stand before him, waiting. He walks over to his chair, and sits down. The chair is stuffed. I am not allowed to sit on any of the chairs in the house. If I do, my master gets mad and beats me and yells.
"Get me my slippers and the paper, Boy." He orders.
I get the slippers from the bedroom, leave them at his feet, and go to the hall for the newspaper.
"Good Boy." he says. He is pleased, I will not be hit.
Once, when I was young, I ran away, in an attempt to gain my freedom. I made it only five miles before I was seen and reported. The authorities had me in custody in less than an hour. They put me in a cage, in their jail.
The cage smelled of urine, and feces. It was dirty, and cold. My master came and got me the next day. He took me home and yelled at me for running away, told me I could have been stolen, or killed.
I wait for about an hour, then my master rises and goes to the kitchen. It is time to eat. My master has a steak for dinner. It smells good. I am hungry, but I must wait until he finishes.
Now He is done, and he feeds me. I get watered down gruel, and as an extra "treat" the bone from his steak. There is still a little meat left on it. It is good.
I finish eating, and my master calls me outside. I must go, or he will yell again.
Outside, my Master stands, holding his bat and baseball. I am scared. Once, when I knocked over a vase in the house, my Master hit me with it. It hurt worse then his foot, which is worse than his hand, which is bad enough.
He tosses the ball up in the air, and as it falls hits it with the bat. Now I must go and pick up the ball, and carry it back to him. If I don't he will yell, and maybe hit me. I go.
Finally this game bores him, and we go back inside.
He watches TV, while I wait patiently by his side.
Hours later, he gets sleepy and decides to go to bed. He goes to the door and orders me out. It is cold outside, but I go or he will hit me.
Outside I go into my house, and lie down on the cold hard floor. I am but a slave, and this is all I deserve, right?
Authors note: Just in case you haven't figured it out yet, our protagonist is a Dog. If you are interested, his name was Sam, and he was real. Like the saying goes, it's a dog's life.
Breaking the Speed of Light
They won't believe me. It's too strange. There are the videos, but what will they prove? They could have been faked.
My name is John Arther, and I am a pilot, I fly starships, and the one I have now is the greatest Man ever built, a real first, because it can go faster than the speed of Light.
That has been a goal of man's for hundreds of years, the last known limit, the ultimate barrier.
Way back, in the twentieth century, Man finally broke the speed of Sound. Back then, there were people who believed all sorts of bad things about the speed of sound, for instance, that it represented the ultimate speed of mater in the universe, or that if you did break it, the air in front would become solid, and you would be crushed.
After it was broken, people looked around for a new ultimate, and finally found it. The speed of Light. Pretty soon, everything that they had been saying about the speed of sound, was being updated and said about the speed of light. The last natural barrier.
I should know, I heard every last crackpot theory from just about every crackpot reporter, and loonie who could get near me the last couple of weeks. And know what? They were all wrong.
Not that they will believe me. Not when they hear my story. I'll bet that even if the next pilot comes back just like me they still won't believe me.
It started out just perfect, every one was there at Regan Station, all my friends, my family, the workers, the engineers, even Dr. Potter, the guy who came up with the Inertial Drive.
He made it all possible, Dr. Potter, because before his new system, we had to use rockets, of one kind or another, and there really is no way that a rocket can leave Sol and get up to Light Speed, not if it has to burn fuel, because that fuel will only burn at the speed of light, and you can't lift yourself by your own bootstraps, not until Dr. Potter.
He made a device, not really an engine, which can fiddle with the inertial potential of an object.
Basicly it makes it think that it is already moving, and then the ship just coasts along.
Well, finally it was time to leave, and I took off.
I had to hold it down to only about 50,000 MPH inside the solar system, due to all the junk floating around, but once I was out I let it fly.
It took only a couple of seconds until all the stars had faded out, leaving only a thin ring of blinding white light at eye level, wherever I looked.
I put the drive into neutral at 2c (372,544 Miles Per Second) and sat back.
It worked! I was going at twice the speed of light! Faster than any man or woman had gone before! A new record!
My planned journey was to take me all the way to the Alpha Centari Bubble Colony, only 2 light years away, and employ a maximum speed of 18c, so as to allow me to make the trip in about two months, one way.
However, I never got past the 2c level, because just as I was getting ready to hit the gas again, I saw my rear screen light up in red and blue.
Following my natural instincts, I put the drive in reverse, and brought the ship to a stop a few seconds later. (Inertial Drive is FAST)
Following behind me, I could make out a nebulous white glow, pulsing in red and blue.
Next thing I knew, there was a knock at my airlock door, and I turned to see a man(I think) in a blue uniform, holding a pen and a pad in his hand. Needless to say, I was in shock.
"May I see your citizens card and flight plan please?" he requested.
"Uh...uh...sh..sure officer." I said handing him my card from my wallet and the flight registration records from the safe.
"What's the hurry?" he said,"Do you know that you were doing a 1402 sub 2106?"
"Wh..what's that?" I asked.
"Violating a Law of Nature, by exceeding the Universal Speed Limit." He replied.
"Oh." I said.
"Well, since this is your races first offense, if you'll promise appear not to do it again, I'll let you off with a warning, this time. But I want you to head right home and make sure that nobody does it again."
"Thanks."
"Think nothing of it, everything deserves a break now and then." he said, holding out the pen and pad, "Sign here."
And with that, he left.
So anyhow, I turned the ship around, and headed back at about 100,000 MPS, towards Earth.
I have slowed down to in system speed, and radioed ahead, telling them that everything works fine, but there is one hitch.
They won't believe me, when I tell them, I am sure, especially not when they read what it says on the ticket I got from him, "Arresting Officer: GOD"!!!
True or False
This statement is False.