Take Off - A Farmer Story
By Dana Short
The Farmer sighted his rifle on the rabbit which had been nibbling his lettuce and prepared to pull the trigger when he was interrupted by a feminine shout from the road.
"What do you think you are doing?" Demanded the voice of Pauline Wareschmidt, a local busy-body, and card carrying member of PETA.
"Well," the Farmer began, lowering the gun so it rested against the porch railing, with the stock on the floor, and the barrel crooked against a support beam, "I was gunna shoot me the rabbit who is out there feedin’ his self on my lettuce. Why?"
"You can’t just shoot a poor little rabbit like that!" Pauline said, whuffeling the last few feet up the Watters’s drive, and stopping just before the porch.
"Well’n, what do ya thinn I oughta do bout the varmint?" The Farmer asked, peering down at the chunky matron.
"What you oughta do, is get yourself a humanitarian trap, and relocate the poor animal. Failing that, you should look for some sort of natural way to deal with him." She said.
About that time, Katelyn, the Farmer’s daughter, came out of the house, and took in the sight.
Seeking to settle the situation a bit, she smiled brightly, and said "Good afternoon Miss. Wareschmidt!"
"Afternoon Katelyn" the older woman replied, still eyeing the old man warily.
"What brings you by today?" she asked stepping down off the porch and placing herself between her father and Pauline.
"Well, I was just out for a Constitutional, when as I was walking by, I saw your father there fixing to shoot a poor little rabbit!" Pauline explained, nodding at the gun still sitting on the porch.
"Pa! I am surprised at you!" Katelyn said turning to her father with an expression which belied her tone.
"All right! I won’t shoot the varmint!" The Farmer said, picking up the gun, and extracting the bullet from the chamber. "I hope you’re both satisfied."
"Thank you, Pa" Katelyn said with a smile.
Turning back to Pauline, she smiled again, "Say, we were just putting lunch down, why don’t you join us?"
"I’d be mighty obliged." Replied Pauline, with a satisfied smile.
"Ya know," the Farmer began with a sudden gleam in his eye, "I have some soup I can heet up fer ya..."
"Ok, Pa. You go ahead, I want to show Miss. Wareschmidt the new curtains and get her thoughts anyhow. We’ll meet you in the kitchen" Katelyn replied, grabbing Pauline by her arm, and steering her to the front door.
-o-
In the kitchen, the Farmer walked over to a seldom used cupboard, and opening it, peered inside, looking at the various canning jars, until he found the one he wanted.
"Uh huh." He muttered to himself, as he took the jar over to the stove, and opened it with a slight "Plop" sound as the seal broke.
With a smile he added the contents to the small pot of soup bubbling away on the stove.
-o-
Katelyn and Pauline entered the kitchen via the dining room door, happily chattering about the new curtains Katelyn had placed up in the living room.
They swiftly chased the old Farmer out of the kitchen, and Katelyn set Pauline to making some Iced Tea, while she took the soup off the stove, and stacked a set of bowls, plates, and silverware to be carried into the dining room.
That done, she pulled some ham out of the refrigerator, and moved the empty Mason Jar from the counter by the stove into the sink, shaking her head in an internal rebuke for her father.
Next, she slid the ham onto a serving tray, added a half a loaf of bread, and asked Pauline if she could get the glasses and bring the Iced Tea.
Katelyn then grabbed the soup with one hand, balanced the tray of Ham and Bread on her arm, and snatched the bowls, plates, and silverware with the other, then used her hip to open the door leading into the dining room.
By the time Pauline was through and into the dining room, carrying three glasses and the pitcher of iced tea, Katelyn had set the soup and plates on the table, and was busy setting the tray of food down in the middle of the table.
She swiftly distributed the plates, bowls, and appropriate silverware to the spots at the foot, the head, and the seat nearest the door, and motioned Pauline to take the seat at the foot of the table, as her father came in from the downstairs bathroom, and seated himself at the head of the table.
She next poured a bit of soup in each bowl, then started fixing up sandwiches.
Pauline found the soup delicious, so much so, that she never noticed that neither Katelyn nor her father even touched theirs. She enjoyed it so much that she had 2 helpings, with the second one finishing off the pot.
For desert, Katelyn brought in a half an apple pie, and they finished that off as well.
-o-
Finishing off the pie, Pauline turned to Katelyn and said "You know, I don’t think I have ever had such a nice lunch before! That soup was incredible, and I don’t reccon I have ever had such a delicious piece of pie. It is even better then the ones you were baking last year!
"Well, I had some help with the recipe from Pa, he showed me a trick of his Ma’s." Katelyn explained, nodding at her father.
"Well, I know I sure won’t even try to beat you at the fair this year." Pauline said, shaking her head and grinning.
"Well, I ought to be off." She said, rising and heading for the door. "Thank you again for your hospitality, Mr. Watters, and I am sorry about the argument we had over the rabbit."
"’Sallright, Mam, I already know what I’ll do with the rabbit, and I promise I won’t kill the critter." The Farmer said, following her through the house.
"Well, ok then." She ended, getting in the last word, as she stepped out onto the porch. "I am going to take off. I’ll catch ya’all later, ‘kay?"
"Catcha rabbit anyhow, moss likey" the Farmer muttered to himself under his breath, as he waved at the woman while she walked up the drive.
-o-
Pauline had just made it to her house, and was heading up her own driveway, when she was struck by a surge of pain, which wracked her entire body.
As she stumbled and fell to her knees, she noticed that her fingers seemed to be getting longer and longer.
She let out a piercing scream which rose in pitch as the increasing pain caused her to black out.
As her body lay on the gravel, she seemed to draw up into herself, slowly shrinking, until even her head had vanished into her clothes.
The lump her body made continued to dwindle inside of her blouse, her pants and sleeves now completely empty, until finally she was still.
A few minutes later, a small, feathered head poked it’s self out of the neck of her blouse.
"Awrak?" it exclaimed, looking around, confused.
Gradually, the large bird worked it’s way out if the blouse, until finally it stood unsteadily before the abandoned bundle of clothes, and stretched it’s wings out.
It shook it’s head, and it’s entire body shuddered, and then it took a few quick steps and threw it’s self into the air.
-o-
That evening, the Farmer and his daughter sat on their swinging porch chair, looking at the rabbit still stuffing himself on the Farmer’s lettuce.
Suddenly, a "Akawww" sound came from the sky above the farm, and a feathered body was seen plummeting swiftly down towards the ground.
Watching as the hawk dove down on the lettuce field and rose again, now with the limp carcass of the rabbit clutched strongly in it’s talons, Katelyn turned to her father and asked "But what did you put in that soup, Pa?"
"Bird Brains" the Farmer replied.
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